Who unfollowed me? Wait, two people I don't know blocked me? I thought to myself. I had given in to getting that darn Instafollow app that a friend had been raving about. Now I could subject myself to mental torture ( and a waste of my time) to see who followed, unfollowed, and even blocked me! Being my usual self and trying to understand the motives of others, I tried to figure out who these two blockers were, why I had added them in the first place, and what the heck was the point of wasting my time caring. I had better things to do, but still that feeling of dislike I feel for facebook was starting to seep in for Instagram. Comparing myself to others, caring about numbers, wondering who to follow. And even wondering why my nieces were not following me on there ( apparently I am not cool).
I deleted the Instafollow app on my phone. I had downloaded it to try and follow less stores and other random people ( read: celebrities) so I could see in my stream more photos of people who inspire me. Moms, families, artists. But then, I find people I follow have unfollowed me and yeah, as pathetic as it sounds my feelings get hurt. They shouldn't be. I have better things to do then care about if my photos or life is interesting to someone I don't know.
It makes me wonder what the point is to blogging and social media, and what it has become. Is it all just a big popularity game? I think in many ways it is. We sit in front of our computers, wondering about so and so's life and how they seem to have it all together. They seem to be perfect. We know in our hearts that they are not, and yet we can't help but wonder if maybe they do have it all together, as look at their numbers. They are obviously cool, and important.
It's making me wonder a lot about how I can keep my blog focused on nothing more then sharing my story, connecting with others ( not in a BS way, I mean really getting to know those of you who email me, and trying to stay up to date on responding to comments), and sharing our lifestyle with those who are interested. But how do I genuinely tell my story, when I am not sure how it is to be told? How do I present all sides of the day instead of a super edited version? It's impossible as I don't have that much time to attempt to share every angle of every moment of my existence. Editing happens. But how can it be genuine and paint an accurate, well rounded picture of a person and their life?
We are all so beautifully flawed, always struggling in one way or another. Always searching for something ineffable, yearning to be accepted for who we are. And doubt creeps in when we see people may not like us or be interested in our stories. Human nature! We can overcome doubt about who we are by not playing the numbers game, not worrying about who is interested in connecting with us and instead searching for kindred spirits who uplift us. It's not worth fretting about numbers. People come and go from our lives. Only the ones we are meant to be with/ learn from will remain.